I look at him from afar, a little man we created together with his bag on his back, almost as big as he is. He is sitting on the other side of the fence, under the play structure in the schoolyard and he is watching these children, strangers, playing around him. There is no one he knows, no one to play with.
It’s the first time in our lives that a fence separates us and I’m not allowed to go and hug him, to go and have fun with him. He turns around, looks at me, I see that he holds himself back so as not to cry. He is big now, 5 years old.
I feel a deep emotion rising within me. I want to go see him, to take him, to tell him that I love him. I am torn… I also need to let him grow up, let him face the world, encourage him to make friends and develop his autonomy.
I stand there watching him. He doesn’t move. I tell myself that I have to move away, that it’s good for us that I take a little distance and I force myself to go… At the corner of the street, I can’t resist, I turn around. I see him, he’s looking for me, he’s visibly sad, alone…
Shit, I need a gradual start of school too…
I go back to see him, I offer to wait with him until his teacher arrives. We sit together in a little corner on the floor and I hug him. I would like this little moment of intimacy to never end, I would like him to remain my little boy forever.
We see his teacher, I have to let him go. I kiss him on the cheek and wish him a good day.
Go, go my little one, go make friends, go to school, go grow up and learn about life. I love you.
Original post Facebook, september 2014
Martin Pham Dinh 