All the members of our family have embarked on an unexpected journey. The call was predictable but this kind of invitation always surprises us a little. We crossed Quebec from west to east to go to the bedside of an ancestor. Children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren are all going to say goodbye to Brigitte who, at 94 years old, is about to leave us. It is like a great family migration to one of the original sources of our existence.
I hope to arrive in time at her bedside with my son, to give her a hug and tell her that I love her. I have prepared Liam who is 5 years old. I explained to him that his “old” grandmother was ill with cancer and that we were coming all the way here to see her one last time, to give her one last kiss. I explained that Grandma will need a lot of love before she leaves on her last trip. I told her that she will go to join Grandpa Emilien and that she will be like a star in the sky. We will no longer see her body but her love will shine in our hearts, in our memories and that’s how she will survive forever because we will never forget who she is.
I don’t have a religion but I like the idea that it is the love we give to our family and friends that allows us to reach eternity. By surrounding my son with love, by giving him everything I have, I am transferring the best of myself to him and it is the best part of me that will survive through him, through his actions and the love he will give back to his family and all the people who will have the chance to cross his path.
In my work, I have had the privilege of accompanying dozens of people in the last moments of their lives. To be able to go with my son, my wife and the rest of my family, to the bedside of one of mine who is waiting, at the gates of life, the great passage, will be a striking and meaningful experience for all, especially the very young who have not yet known death but who, I am convinced, should not be excluded from this kind of experience.
Each person has his or her own way of dying. Perhaps they will leave in a moment of loneliness. Maybe they will leave this world holding the hand of one of their children. The most important thing for me is that she knows how much we all love her and that we have all undertaken this great journey to be at her side.
Tonight, my heart is filled with powerful emotions. It is comforting to be able to share them and to know that I am not alone in this kind of experience.
(Two days later)
A quiet departure…
She left us, ancestor of almost a century to whom we all owe our lives. At the end of a great migration, she managed to reunite us all. Last night, around a table and a feast, we spent the evening together. It was a beautiful evening, memorable even.
This morning, I watched my son playing with his cousin in the hotel lobby. I could hear them running, laughing and even shouting for joy. I was so happy to see them playing, our children. I had a simple revelation: seeing us all together, laughing and smiling, children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren, would have been the source of ultimate happiness for her.
And so I let her leave me, knowing that we had honored her memory and celebrated her life.
Goodbye Brigitte Roy.
We will always love you…
We will always remember you…
Martin Pham Dinh 