All winter, i wanted to bring my son Liam do some night skiing after school. Bad weather, lack of time, exhaustion from being a single father, there were so many reasons not to go… But i could not let the winter end without sharing with my son this experience.
So last week, i promised him that we would go. He was excited just by thinking that we would ski at night… I even found a friend who would accompany him. Skiing being a social sport, sharing just doubles the pleasure. This afternoon, i packed our stuff in my small car and i went to get the kids. The temperature was aweful: warm and rainy. A thought brushed the back of my mind: “this sucks, just stay comfortably home” but my very own nature and my resolve prevailed. I never ever change my plans because the weather is not perfect. If i did, i’d never do anything.
So i got the kids from school and we went to the Camp fortune hills. We got dressed. We ate a muffin and we went outside. We did 3 runs in the rain. We came in soaked. We had a nice hot chocolate. Liam wanted to go home. I could not accept that the season would end like this… I told myself, just have a little faith. So i told Liam “Let’s go again, until the night arrives and the lights open, you’ll love the night skiing, that’s what you wanted to see right?” He agreed.
We got out, we did one run… and the magic moment i was waiting for happened.
As we were going up for a second run, I had a flashback, memories from the past resurfaced in my soul. I was here, more than 3 decades ago, not 10 years old, with my parents, brothers and friends, on this same mountain, on these trails, doing what my son is doing: skiing. I remembered the happiness so vididly. It’s was a simple recipe then and it has not changed, it involves a combination of a few simple ingredients: snow, skis, speed, jumps, bumpy off path trails, hot chocolate, comfort food, smiles and laughter. This is what i came for. I want to share with my son the happiness that i had enjoyed as a child. So i hoped.
And so the magic did happen…The weather cleared. The night arrived. The lights were turned on, like little suns on the trails. It was perfect. The kids stopped complaining. They started playing on the trails. They ran after each other. They went too fast. They jumped too high. They fell. They laughed. They smiled. It was so beautiful… We stayed much longer than we had planned. My son and his friend did not want to leave. They asked me if they could go “alone” on the lift, like the adults. I hesitated. I understood their request. They are not asking me to go alone, they are asking me if i can let them grow up… I checked if they could lift the safety bar by themselves and they both did. So off they went, together, on their own. They did just fine. I told a friend today that fears are just our imagination going wild about things that are very unlikely to happen. They wanted to go again, now each on their own. I let them. They were so happy. I let them grow. I let them experiment on their own. I let them be kids.
Again, i had another kind of epiphany…this time, not about the past but about the future. In this very moment, i understood very clearly my role as a parent for the years to come.
I am to love my son unconditionnally.
I am to set boundaries within which i let my son grow freely.
I am to offer him many opportunities and experiences so that he can find his own passions.
I am to make sure is safe without over protecting him.
I am to be there for him when he falls, not to cacth him but to help him up when he asks for help.
I am to trust him and let him be himself.
Thank you Marthe Roy and Chi Pham-Dinh.
I continually strive to be as good a parent to my son as you were to me.
Thank you.
Martin Pham Dinh 