An understanding of now…

In the last year, my objective has been to slow down.

I have written over and over about the frenetic pace of our lives. 

Honestly, i gave it a try. 

Honestly, i failed miserably. 

I do and i am involved in more stuff than i did last year. 

I am like this, passionate about many things. 

If slowing down means giving up what we really care about, what is the point? Life for me is about living,  it is not just about breathing and looking at a sky filled with stars in a cloudless warm summer day.   

I really care about people in my life. 

My family, my friends, my co-workers.

I care about my job because it is all about working with and for people.

The people in my life are my happiness, my reason to live.  

Last year, slowing down meant for me giving up, letting go, simplifying. 

It meant doing less. 

Since my life is filled and my time spent with people, 

The big question is: who do i sacrifice so i can slow down? 

I just can’t… but today, i realized that there is no failure in life, just perspectives. 

This afternoon, i was tired after lunch. 

I brought Liam and Ben, his friend, to basketball practice this morning. 

I rushed home and prepared lunch. 

After the meal, the kids went to play downstairs and i was left alone for some “me” time. 

This usually means picking up the to do list where i left it. 

Clean the kitchen, plan dinner tonight and lunches tomorrow. 

Look at our schedule this week and make sure everything is ready because, me and Liam, we live busy lives. Being a single father is quite the challenge. 

And on top of that, there is the Christmas to do list: buy gifts, put up decorations, plan vacations, etc…etc…etc…

I felt a bit overwhelmed with my own life. I think we all do, at some point in our lives, feel this emotion that i just described. Sometimes, i’d like to take a month off and become a monk in a zen monastery in the mountains of Tibet.  I know this would not make me happy, i just feel like that. I know that after 2 hours of doing nothing, i would be bored…  I feel fine talking about it because i know i am not alone. 

Then it hit me: i have a choice. 

I took a breath and i made a decision. I think this will change my life. 

My life won’t be transformed, it is just a different perspective. 

I like who i am. I love being busy and taking care of the people around me. 

But i don’t have to do everything now. 

Things to do, people, work, they can all wait a moment. 

I, on the other hand, i have to take care of me. 

In this busy life, it is perfectly OK to put things aside and take some time to breathe.

Slowing down and doing less are not existential objectives anyore, 

Taking care of and taking time for me is. 

So i boiled water and prepared tea. 

I went in the living room started a fire in the fireplace. 

I am now sitting down on the sofa beside my dog Ani, 

I am listening to quiet intrumental  music and sipping tea. 

I love watching wood burn slowly. 

I am taking a pause,  a time for me. 

I am doing what i love, thinking about life and writing about it. 

I love writing, I should do this more often, 

It won’t take long, soon i’ll be fine and ready to go.

I just need to make an appointment with me more often. 

I read recently that there is the time what we have and the time we take. 

Now, i understand what it means.

Thank you.

Original post Facebook, November 2016