The centers of my life…

My son is the center of my life.

I dedicate a part of my existence to make sure he grows into a responsible man.

I study the art of parenthood.

I must say that i have been humbled by my initial experiences as a father.

I made many mistakes. I asked for helped and i had the privilege to be helped by so many people.

I think i have become a reasonably good father.

I am far from perfect and neither is my son.

But the most important is that we struggle to move in the right direction.

I am the other center of my life.

I learned that taking care of me is good for me but it is also good for my son.

Tonight, after dinner, i was cleaning the dishes and Liam was reading. This afternoon, i took some time to enjoy the sun in the Gatineau park. Liam invited a friend over for dinner. I was cleaning the dinner’s dishes and I thought life was good.  It was indeed. But i asked myself the question we should ask ourselves every day.

What am i doing to help this kid grow into a man?

I wrote it before, i am in the business of raising a man.

There i was, cleaning the dishes while my son was reading with his dog on his lap. 

– Liam, come help me with the dishes.

-Why? Because i am your father and i made dinner.

If i cook food, you help to clean the dishes.

– OK.

– No Liam, this time, you rince and i place the dishes in the dishwasher.

– Why?

– Because.

– Why?

– Because i say so.

– I don’t know!

– Holly shit, you don’t know? You are 9 years old and you don’t know how to rince dishes?  I am so sorry, i was a bad father.  It’s my fault. I should’ve shown you this years ago.  (he knows but i am making a scene because he is making up excuses)

– Come here, i’ll show you.

– No! I don’t want to.

– Want to be treated like a 9 year old kid? Want to play Fortnite? Well son, start acting like one or we’ll go back to Teletubbies.

– OK.

He rinces the dishes. I just watch. He spends so much time rincing that i think we could just forget the dishwasher.  I say nothing. I just watch. He plays with water. He looks at me.

– Dad, look! When i put my hand in the glass , as much water leaves the glass as my hand enters it.

– Yes son, this is called fluid dynamics and it was first discovered by a genius man called Archimede.

We go on cleaning the dishes and talking together. There were 3 plates, 3 glasses, a few forks. It took 15 minutes just to rince but i took the time because it’s important. I am raising a man and i have less than a decade to do so.

– Liam, now you master all steps of cleaning dishes: rincing, placing and starting the dishwasher.  Eventually, there will be a new rule in our house:  I cook you clean, you cook i clean, we cook we clean.

This new rule will have 2 purposes: establishing the grounds for the division of labor in our house  and encouraging Liam to be involved in meal preparation.

So once the dishwasher was powered on, our stories does not end, it begins.

As i am also the center of my life, we went out tonight so that i could do my Brazilian Jiu jitsu training. Liam comes with me and he plays for 45 minutes while i struggle with big 20 year old men who try to choke me.  Most parents i know bring their kids to hockey, piano or dance lessons and it’s ok. I have been there and i have done that.  It’s just that i don’t feel any remorse to take one evening in our week to do something for me and Liam understands this.  I do enough things with and for my son that i feel it’s perfectly fine that my son comes with me so that i can do something i like.

Interestingly enough, i feel that it’s a very good influence in his life even if he just sits there. He knows his dad loves BJJ and has been practicing regularly since before his birth. It is something that his dad is not only passionate about but also dedicated to.

Coming back from my training, he goes to take a shower, brush his teeth while i drink a beer. Once in bed, he says : Dad, i am done. I go up his bedroom, i kiss him goodnight and i tell him: I love you Liam.

These moments, these ideas, they make me happy and this is why i share them. This is the reason i write.

I encourage you to find the other centers in your life. 

There should be more than one.

Original post Facebook, March 2018