I took a training course in clinical communication in Leeds, in September 2018, and I felt a profound impact on my work but also in my relationships, especially with my son.
When you want to have a important, potentially emotional, discussion with a child, a patient, a parent, here are some basic principles:
Sit at the same height to establish contact at the same level. Standing while the other person is sitting is a position of authority. It is a detail but it has an impact.
Establish physical contact if possible, take one of his hands in mine. It’s hard to stay angry with someone who touches you gently.
Maintain eye contact.
Make sure you have enough time to listen and space to express emotions… it’s better to be alone.
Choose a favorable moment, avoid periods of fatigue and irritability.
Start by listening to the other person… “ask before tell”
When the other person has finished telling you what he or she has to say, ask again,
“Is there anything else you want to tell me?”
Once the person is satisfied that they have been heard, summarize their understanding of what was said: the facts. Then validate the feeling, the emotion.
“I heard that… I understand that you feel that way…”
Before demonstrating openness to listen to the other person, the child (or patient or partner) needs to feel heard AND understood.
Then ask permission to offer my point of view and explain how I feel and how I perceive the facts.
All of this is easier when there is a distance between individuals.
When there is an emotional connection, it is much more difficult but not impossible.
I’m going to be very honest. I’m far from mastering this stuff… I am still learning. I feel like a regular guy on a mission to learn how to communicate better. There is an art to difficult discussion,, it feels like learning to dance.
With my patients, it’s easy to stay calm and in control…
(Me in a difficult discussion with a patient)
With my son, I’m more of a Cro-Magnon type… but I’m trying to evolve towards the Neanderthal type.
I’d rather be honest and laugh about my shortcomings than to project an aura of greatness that is fake and flaky.
Thank you.
Original post Facebook, February 2019
Martin Pham Dinh 