On cultivating emotional balance …

Have you ever been so angry that you yelled at your kid?

Have you ever been so frustrated that you wanted to break something? I must admit I have.

These unfortunate reactions emerge when our emotions overwhelm our rational brain. We become “hijacked” by our lower brain functions. It feels like becoming a gorilla for a few moments. When we emerge out of such a state, we usually feel guilt and regret.

Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage emotions, both our own and those of other people.

I have studied emotional intelligence for the last two years. I just completed the course “Cultivating emotional balance” from Wisdom Academy.

I look back at the path that brought me here, and I am so grateful.

Through the years, almost two decades of work, I must admit that a part of my personality was shaped by the pressure cooker of difficult emotions found in emergency medicine. To survive this environment, one quickly learns to build defensive walls and distance oneself from the emotional content that comes with treating the sick and the dying. Although these walls protect us, healthcare workers, they are not free of side effects. When we bring our emotional defences home, they can make us insensitive and unempathetic with the people we care about.

In 2013, I became a medical examiner, and I started to receive, investigate and manage complaints against doctors. This job is challenging. The medical examiner manages angry people every day. Plaintiffs are angry because “X” happened. Doctors are mad because I sent them a complaint. My work is in the middle of this turmoil, receiving negative emotions from both sides and building the relationship bridges that will allow people to understand and maybe forgive each other. Through trial and error, I managed to learn how to do that.

Eventually, I realized that communication issues are at the core of many conflicts between doctors and patients. In 2018, I had the privilege to travel to England to train in and become a trainer for the Clinical communication program developed by the Medical protection society and delivered by Saegis in Canada. This course transformed my practice and had a profound impact on my personal life. Slowly, I came to understand how powerful listening and empathy can be. I became aware that the walls I put up were helpful in my work, but they could hurt people close to me.

In January 2020, after an evening drinking wine and talking about emotions and empathy, a friend gave me the original 1995 Daniel Goleman book “Emotional intelligence.” This simple act sent me on a path to self-discovery. I discovered a world of knowledge and wisdom. From then on, I could not stop learning about emotions and emotional intelligence. I read books and signed up for every online class I could find, which led me to sign up and complete the “Cultivating emotional balance” program this summer.

It’s been a very long time since I yelled at someone and wanted to break something 😉, I certainly hope that I don’t ever transform into a gorilla but I am aware the possibility of becoming hijacked by strong emotions is always there 😅. Emotional balance/intelligence is not synonymous with emotional control, emotions emerge and we must become aware of them, let them be expressed with an appropriate intensity for the situation that generates them. Emotions are incredibly useful, they drive and motivate us. We just need to manage them well.

At this point, I am so grateful for everything I have learned. Emotional balance is and always will be a work in progress for me.

Thank you, Alan Wallace, for the wise inspiring words. You helped me define my objective for the years to come: “May I become a kind and curious observer of my emotions, desires, beliefs, thoughts, and the movements of my mind to touch the freedom to make wise choices found in the space between the trigger, the story I tell myself, the emotion that emerges and my reaction to it.“

Thank you, Paul and Eve Ekman. Your work on emotions has been a foundation for my growth.

Thank you, Daniel Goleman. Your book on emotional intelligence put me on this path.

Thank you, friend, for giving me this book.