A midlife compassionate inquiry…

On the horizon, I see the frontier of a significant milestone in my life…

I have two years to savour before entering the second half-century of my existence. Nothing changes at fifty, but we are forced to see that time flies much faster than expected.

This recognition pushes me to look back at what was done in almost five decades and ask the relevant questions: What next? How do I want to spend the time that I have been given in this existence? What makes me happy? What is happiness for me?

If we want relevant answers, we must ask relevant questions. If we spend our lives running after the expectations of others, we lose the freedom to choose how to spend the most precious resource in our lives, something that can’t be created, can’t be accumulated, can’t be stored, can’t be bought: time.

I just want to be happy. This is my answer, and it is probably shared by many.

But what is happiness?

The answer to this question will define how I spend our time.

Is happiness a life without pain or suffering and a life filled with pleasure and joy? Maybe that is part of it. I’ve indeed spent a significant portion of my life trying to build a comfortable life. I certainly spend a substantial part of my life enjoying the pleasures of modern existence. I am not alone who is beginning to understand that, on the path to hedonia, happiness is always three steps ahead. How many times have I told myself, “When I get this _(job, position, thing, trip, car, bike, etc.)_, life will be good?” And how many times have I realized that, once I got the object of my desires, my definition of happiness just moved another step ahead? Yes, I have been the victim of the hedonic treadmill. When I define happiness as hedonia, I spend my time trying to fill my life with all the chocolate chip cookies existence can offer. This is a never-ending cycle of self-gratification centred on the idea that happiness is received from the world.

If I am to find peace and serenity in the face of my ageing self, especially as I see the second half-century of my life on the horizon, I must find another source of happiness. Can happiness be found in a life of purpose, in a life not just filled with pleasure but also meaningful? I am not alone who is beginning to understand that happiness is found when we care about, help and support the people in our lives on the path to eudaemonia. The threads of our lives can be woven with all the colors of emotions. We do not need to pick only the bright ones. Our lives can be meaningful through joyful times and hardships, as long as we remember to love, give, forgive and listen. This is a self-sustaining cycle of gratification centred on the idea that happiness is offered to the world.

These definitions of happiness, hedonia (happiness as chocolate chip cookies) and eudaimonia (happiness as a meaningful life) are not mutually exclusive. They are not at the opposite end of a spectrum. They coexist. As I see the sands of time inexorably move in the hourglass of my existence, my perception of happiness is shifting and simplifying. I do not want to receive more cookies. I want to care more about the people in my life. I simply want to give more love, because in the end, all it is all that matters to me.

Thank you.

Martin.